weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
