If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
