I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We are two peas in an std pod
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
