Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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