After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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