you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
