We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
