I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
