Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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