Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
