think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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