Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
