So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
