sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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