If that was your dad, he is hot
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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