Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
