First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
