i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
