Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
