I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
