i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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