I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
