Can i not drive my cunt home
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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