when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
