What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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