Got a toothbrush?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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