i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
