I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
