ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
