did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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