A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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