Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
