note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
