my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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