K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
