Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
