stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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