i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
