I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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