i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
