dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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