He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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