The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
