went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
