It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
