she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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