I am in a vortex of obligation.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
