operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
