I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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