You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
