drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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