he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
