Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
