Your tits are I can't wait for
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
